Retraining the (my) brain
What’s funny about January 2010 is that I worked out more than I did in all of 2009 combined.
(I really don’t know if that is “funny” or just plain sad, but I’m going with funny.)
I’ve been having to retrain my brain, not just my body, throughout this process. After eight to 10 hours in front of a computer at work, combined with two to four hours of sitting in traffic, my brain is screaming at me to relax in front of the TV with alcohol and sugar. So I’ve had to retrain myself to look at exercise as a stress relief and a way to relax.
I thought I would share some ways I’ve been doing this, mostly because it has not been easy and still is super difficult. What’s funny is that I feel GREAT following a workout, especially if it’s an outside run or an intense yoga session. But it still can take super motivation to pull on my shoes and get out the door, so for that I have to exercise my brain:
- Use Post-its. I write motivational phrases on post-it notes and stick them in places like the dashboard of my car and inside my wallet. I have tons of favorite quotes, but the one I’m digging on right now is “You miss 100% of the shots that you don’t take.”
- Read up on your goal. I’m a big believer in doing one thing every day that gets you closer to your goal. For example, my main goal this year is to run the Peachtree Road Race. If I don’t run one day, then I read Runner’s World or go to a motivational fitness blog. I’m always working on ways to engrain my “dream” into my psyche.
- Show up. Sometimes I force myself to put on my clothes and running shoes. The other day, I did NOT want to run at all. So I forced myself to get dressed and just walked. I didn’t end up running, but I still got in a workout, and felt much better walking out of the gym than I did going in.
- Come up with reasons. My biggest excuse for not going to the gym is being too tired. On the other hand, I have a real problem sleeping most nights – it takes forever for me to go to sleep and some nights I’ll wake up at two or three and not be able to drift off again. When I work up a sweat, I usually have an easier time staying asleep. So when I say to myself I’m too tired to workout, I then argue with myself that I’ll sleep way better after the workout. Also, it’s not like I’m scheduling my runs at 11 PM. I wouldn’t be going to bed at one in the afternoon, or six in the evening.
So, there you go. I’m beginning to actually crave exercise now (in addition to, not in place of the chocolate cake, but whatever), but I still need an extra boost from time to time. What is your motivation to do what you need to do?
I’m also reading the 28 chapters of Matthew during this 28 day month if anyone would care to join me!
Grammys.
Last night was the Grammys. I don’t care about music too much. I’ll listen to what’s on the radio, and I have a few offbeat artists that I really like, but those I pretty much discovered in college, when I had time to care. These days, if it’s not on NPR or on a top 40 station (mornings only), I haven’t heard it.
I only stayed up until Bon Jovi did their performance, and then I went to bed. So I missed a lot. But I thought it was really great! Lady Gaga and Elton John were fabulous as an opening act; Stephen Colbert kicked it off in a great way; Pink’s routine was butt-clenching as always; Taylor Swift was cute as usual; and of course Bon Jovi was ah-maze-ing!
Other than that, today kicks off February 2010 … a month I have been waiting for since … well, since last month. I’m really excited! A lot of great things should be going on, including my BIRTHDAY.
I’m now a runner.
Sometime in December 2009 – When I started running.
Sunday, January 31, 2010 – The date I became a runner.
I’ve never particularly liked running. I ran a lot in high school, mostly because of gym class or being forced to for cheerleading. When I worked out, I preferred to either lift weights or get on the elliptical. Running was boring.
I stopped cheerleading my junior year of high school, meaning that I wasn’t practicing/working out for two to three hours each day after school. Considering I had been doing so for six years of my life up to that point, the freedom was OVERWHELMING. But now six years later, after high school graduation and college graduation and entering the “real world,” I am a walking version of a Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade balloon. November of ‘09 was the straw that broke the proverbial camel’s back, so I’ve been working out and “dieting” since January 1. And what did I decided to do to work out and motivate myself? Run. I’ve decided to run.
There are a lot of reasons why I chose running:
- I am not coordinated enough to participate in the sports that I would be interested in participating in, such as tennis or basketball.
- I am not rich enough to participate in the sports that I would be interest in participating in anyway. I could barely afford my running shoes, which were on sale. And I had a gift card. And they were the cheapie ones anyway. But you don’t need a lot for running; while proper running gear would be nice, all you really need is a pair of shoes and some clothes. Boom. Run.
- A lot of the healthy lifestyle blogs I read are running focused, and they make it seem easy, but their “About” sections are all “Oh, I wasn’t a runner and I couldn’t run more than one minute and now I run 26 miles!” (I see no reason why that can’t be me a year from now!)
- Runners seem nice, but in the end it’s a sport you do alone. And I am fiercely independent; I don’t like doing a lot of things with other people. It’s nothing against people. I just like doing my own thing and not having to rely on others.
So I picked running, with the goal of running the Peachtree Road Race this July. And I’ve been running since Jan. 1, plugging the miles consistently after work and over the weekends. So far, so good: I’ve lost around five pounds plus some inches, my clothes are fitting better, I just feel better. But I still was hating on running. Again, for several reasons:
- I don’t have the endurance. I don’t have the mental capacity. And this is a neverending cycle: I run a mile, and it begins to get difficult. My brain says “Gah, you just ran a MILE! You’re awesome! You can stop now – I mean, how many other people can run a mile?” So I stop. So I do need to build up my endurance, but my mentality needs a significant overhaul, as well.
- I run after work on a treadmill. People say this is easier. People are LIARS. It is much easier for me to run outside. I run flat-footed on a treadmill, which makes my feet and calves cramp up. So after a quarter of a mile my legs are already super tight. My feet are in pain. It sucks.
- I run after work next to a man I have nicknamed “Gazelle.” He sprints along next to me as I gasp for air, clinging to the edge of the treadmill. He’s super nice (he’s actually one of my coworkers) and has been nothing other than encouraging, but when I reach that mile point I get images of him making fun of me behind my back. I have no empirical proof that he does this, but it’s mortifying to me. I mean, if I were working out next to a Macy’s Thanksgiving Day balloon, I would find that kind of funny. So I finish that mile and then haul ass out of there.
- Running is still boring.
So today I decided to go plug in three miles. I have a 5K coming up in less than two weeks, so I can’t give up now. I’m committed. I drove down to the local park where there’s a lovely walking track with beautiful scenery. (Other than the sewer plant.) I stretched my legs, jogged in place, and then took off.
The weather today? Beautiful. It’s chilly, but not the Arctic cold from a few weeks ago. The sun was beaming. Today more than made up for yesterday’s awful weather. A lot of people were out on the track, just strolling along. And I was running.
Before I knew it, a mile had come and gone. And I was still going.
A mile and a half flew by. Still going. (I had slowed down a bit by this point.)
As I reached the two mile marker, I started to cry. I never, never, never thought I would be at this point. Still running. Like, a couple of a weeks ago I ran a 40 minute 5K, but I walked a lot of it. Usually I’ll run a mile, then walk a half mile, then run a half mile, then so on and so on. Even at my most fit, I don’t think I ever ran two consecutive miles. The second mile ended at my car and I leaned against it, breathing heavy. My legs were burning and my lungs were screaming at me. Tears were streaming down my cheeks. I am a runner, I thought to myself. I can do this. It’s hard, but I can do this – I just did it. I ran, and it was hard, but I did it. I’m a runner.
Now, I was supposed to go three miles, but I was so overwhelmed at this point that I let myself into my car and just sat there, crying. After about 20 minutes of that, I just left. I can’t explain it – it wasn’t a mental thing this time. I wasn’t thinking to myself, “Wow, you just ran two miles, so you can leave.” It was more of just being so overwhelmed and grateful that I had to respect what I had just done and leave it for the day.
I’m sure I’ll have to walk some in my upcoming 5K, and I’m pretty sure I’ll walk a LOT of my upcoming 10K. I know I’ll still wrestle with that infernal treadmill. I know there will still be days when I throw in the towel after one mile. But now it’s okay. I’m no longer a fraud.
Because I’m a runner.
January Wrap-up
I’m going to try to get into the habit of writing “wrap-up” posts at the end of each month. Honestly, I have the worst memory in the world, so these should be fun for me to look back over and reflect.
- January 1 – New Year’s Day! It was on a Friday and was pretty quiet, actually. Grandma had stayed with us over the Christmas holidays, so we all just hung out.
- January 4 – Back to work after two weeks of vacation. It was rough.
- January 5 – Grandma left for Florida.
- January 7 – Had to leave work early in order to get home due to icy conditions. Almost ate metal several times. Vow to spend January 2011 on the equator.
- January 8 - SNOW DAY! I had to work from home, but took some time to build Bob, the Blob.
- January 9 – I wrote a tweet about how I was inspired to run a marathon by two of my fave bloggers.
- January 12 – Absorbing the impact of the Haiti earthquake, which wreaked devastation throughout the country.
- January 15 – Began reading “The Rape of Nanking.” Absolutely powerful.
- January 18 – We took in two kittens that ended up on our porch. (They eventually ended up being stolen by our lovely neighbors, so full of class and elegance that I wish I could be them. Not. Still livid over the whole experience. You would think that killing a string of animals over the years through sheer neglect and passivity would be enough for them, yet here we are.)
- January 19 – My mom’s 49th birthday!
- January 22 - Tweet: “I think pizza makes an awesome breafkast! It’s not weird at all.” Also on January 22: I reached my one-thousandth tweet!
- January 23 – I registered for my FIRST RACE EVER, a 5k on February 13.
- January 27 – Followed the live blog obsessively with one of my fellow coworkers as Steve Jobs introduced the iPad. (Oh, and President Obama gave his very first State of the Union address tonight. I fell asleep at 9:43.)
- January 30 – Today.
The first month of 2010 has been kind of fun! I feel like I’m sticking to my goals for the year, and I’m really excited about February. It should be a big month, and I can’t wait to blog about it.
